Whispers From the Decent…

“When I found Crimson, I was already a seasoned esoteric witch. I had shadows befriended, journals stacked, and rituals for days. And yet…I was still deeply at war with my body. I was very good at understanding my feelings. I was much less practiced at inhabiting my body.

Beneath all that tension lived a quiet fear: that I might hurt myself simply by feeling too much. That I was, in fact, “too much.” And then, as the universe tends to do when you’re already cracked open, my beloved dog Charlie—my soulmate in fur—died unexpectedly. The grief was seismic. I entered that underworld already mid-ritual with Crimson, and I am certain that timing saved me.

Crimson met that grief with the most beautiful ritual I have ever experienced—custom-built for me. The grief felt good. Not easy. Not painless. But embodied. Sacred. Even pleasurable in a strange and life-affirming way. I learned that grief doesn't only have to happen on the couch.

Somewhere along the way, fear and anxiety stopped feeling like permanent fixtures and started feeling more like visitors. I learned to dance with shame, guilt, and sadness—and somehow, against all odds, find pleasure in the process. I feel more at home in my body now than I ever have.

As a nonbinary queer person, safety is not a given in healing spaces. That kind of attunement is rare, and I felt it in my bones.

This work changed my relationship to grief, to pleasure, and to my own body. I’m still a deeply feeling person (that part didn’t go anywhere), but now I’m in relationship with my emotions instead of wrestling them to the ground. I carry this work with me every day.”

— RVT